Roommates & Marriages

Assignment of roommates in hostels is like arranged marriages. Besides having to sleep together (umm, on separate beds though, thankfully) with little or no prior introduction, the ‘roomies’ as they are fondly called, are in general privy to information that most others (including parents) are usually not. Naturally, the ‘secret’ that one shares with another while slipping into one’s sleepwear very often tend to be of a nature that begs not to be taken beyond the boundaries of the room. As such, it is important that a certain level of trust builds up in the initial days. It seems that the analogy of the arranged marriage makes some sense after all.

This is my 6^th year in a hostel. And 9^th, living away from home.  Except that I have learnt to call wherever I live, my ‘home’. Oh, and I have shared room or flat with 8 different people at different points of time, all these years. That makes me quite promiscuous- even without considering their genders (actually, that disclosure would make things worse).  It turns out that like in any marriage, my roomies and I have lived in decent harmony. Except for trivial arguments and lasting-less-than-a-day fights, again like in any marriage.

I cannot but appreciate the tremendous level of tolerance for other human beings (sometimes, animals) that we are born with. Or is it acquired? Whichever is the case, the way humans adapt makes me wonder. Someone who cribs about he or she not being allotted a cubicle in the new office happily shares room with other newly-introduced people at his/her new home. This leads me to think that we are ‘selectively private’ beings who are disciplined by the needs of the time and our relative positions in our ‘sub-societies’. That we do not have to make any conscious effort toward switching these roles of being ‘private’ and ‘public’ to different set of people probably points at one aspect of human superiority.

Going back, it so seems that compatibility would never be an issue if two unknown human beings of relatively similar educational status are put into a room. Interesting how education can be a great equalizer. With some effort and compromise from time to time, of course. Again, the quantum of compromise would depend on the nature of education one had previously had. That is a different debate, altogether. But the uncanny number of parallels which can be drawn between assignments of hostel rooms with arranged marriages leave me awe-struck. If nothing, it should give enormous confidence, or at least adequate solace, to people ‘desperately’ looking for love marriages. And my feeling is- this number is growing. Peer pressure is likely to be the top reason.

The difference that one might point out is that roomies are not to live together for life, and as such, stakes are much lower, which is why perhaps people tend to be more considerate and accommodating, thinking at the back of their mind- ‘Oh, it’s gonna be only two years, and then he’ll be gone’. That leads to the idea- what if marriages were considered two years at a time? And renewed for the next two? But that could have serious consequences on a newborn or a baby. Of course, human beings being ‘inhumanly’ adaptive can grow up without one or both parent- but that is not the ‘normal’ order unless the majority of the society accepts to raise children that way. But, in general, it would dismantle the structure of the society in the sense of how children are raised, with one parent playing the good cop and the other the bad cop, and so on. That brings me to the last leg of a string of inferences: one of the main objectives of why we live is to probably help others live, grow and sustain. Else, we could live all our life in hostels!